• Chali Harding

Making Friends With Change

It is a cliché but a true one at that: change is a constant. We cannot control change. Change is all around us. We only need to look to nature to see how gracefully we can approach change - just go with it, do not resist it, accept it and find the joy in the transformation. Sounds so easy, but generally it is not so for most of us.


I recently made big changes in my, and my children's, lives. It was a joint decision made equally between my children and me, but naturally, as their mother, I bore the responsibility of the action. This felt absolutely monumental, frightening at times, overwhelming at others, but it also felt really exciting and it was so empowering. In the process I have had to, and still am, working really hard at making friends with the change we are choosing, and all that may or may not eventuate as a result. As I write, we are still in the thick of the consequences of our choices and the adaptation of all the newness, expected and unexpected.


Photo taken on the first sunset my boys and I shared in our new life location. July 2022.


Any kind of change, from driving a different route to work, starting a new school, new relationships, moving house, goodness knows even trying a new hairdresser, can be 'stop you in your tracks' terrifying. Change is generally somewhere on the spectrum of uncomfortable one way or another, especially if it is imposed on us externally. But, guess what, just like any other aspect of growth, it is meant to be challenging as this is how we learn about ourselves and what we are capable of.


The way we approach change is an absolute choice. We can approach it with the fear of the unknown, the overwhelm of how much work it is going to take to change and we can dread the oncoming unknowns. We can effectively also move backwards and decide not to change because it is too much effort, too much hard work, and we can talk ourselves out of change because of what may or may not happen that may or may not be unpleasant.


It is far easier in the short term to stay in the comfortable discomfort of what we know: the job that is stressful or mind numbing is comfortable as it is familiar. The fear can be of ‘what if I don't find a better job?’, ‘what if I leave this job and the only one available is one that is worse?’ Or the relationship that lost it’s shimmer long long ago that we question daily, but however unfulfilling it is we just put up with the comfort of what we know as leaving is too overhwhelming. ‘What if I don't meet anyone else - ever?’ ‘I don't want to be alone so staying here is better, even though I am miserable’.


When we give ourselves the opportunity to understand what the fear was borne from, where it was established and programmed into our body’s nervous system, our fight, flight or freeze protective force, we can then choose to discard that reaction moving forward.


If we are able to shine the light on where the resistance to change comes from, where the sense of overwhelm comes from, where and when that was created within our thought patterns, then we can overcome those negative reactions to change.


We can either be a victim of our fears in life, of our negative emotions, beliefs, behaviours that do not serve us in any way and keep happiness, fulfilment, peace and harmony distant and illusive, or we can understand where our fears and feelings of overwhelm have come from and make the choice to leave them behind and not to live by them any longer. It is a work in progress. A process of understanding where the negativity has come from, and to understand what tools you need, what tools you already have to be able to move forward in life.


Rather than staying in the fear of change it would serve us to be prepared for the endless waves of transformation that life brings us. Think of it this way: we deserve better than keeping ourselves stuck in the same place because we are afraid of the unknowns that growth brings.

Spiritual Counselling, Hahnemann Healing, Personal Harmony Coaching and Parenting Spiritually Coaching are all wonderful modalities to meet you exactly where you are in your life and to help you move forward with clarity, confidence and support.

Book in or give us a call to help you decide what it is you need.