• Chali Harding

The Thing About Grief

We are all, as well as dealing with our own personal losses in our lives, collectively grieving the loss of life as we knew it.

Grief can make you feel so alone, like there is a bubble around you keeping in all the hurt and sadness.

Grief can pull you down & hover heavily over you.

Grief can stroll along beside you, gently reminding you it is there.

Grief is the death or loss of something: a person, a relationship, a job, a home, a pet, freedom, choice, youth, health…

Grief is personal, unique and complex.

It is an experience we will all go through. It is part of life.

I have been in varying stages of grief over the past year for the loss of various things.

The big huge heavy one was of the end of my 15 year relationship.

The frightening, overwhelming grief that has been permeating as all our lives have been altered so unpredictably and uncontrollably with the pandemic.

Grieving the lost connection with my family and friends in England, as I still cannot envisage when I will be with them again. My mother going through surgery without me there to support her, a niece I haven't met, another niece growing up without me and my boys in her life.

This last week the grief resurfaced afresh with the loss of 2 friends in very different circumstances, and I was unwittingly thrust into another stage of grieving my relationship.

Social media predominantly depicts the best, most colourful and fabulous parts of our lives. It can unite and celebrate. It also divides, separates and alienates. We find ourselves in comparison, and the negative self talk takes over.

Keep it real. Life has darkness, pain and hurt.

We must expect that it does.

Nothing is permanent. Everything is temporary. This can cause fear and anxiety. But we must accept that we are in constant change. We can deny it and we can fight it. Or we can look it straight in the eye and decide to learn and grow from it. This is power. This is the doing of life. It is so easy to float around in the good times. This takes no effort at all. We ALL want to stay in those peaks and keep that euphoric feeling, hold on to it, tightly. But there is no growth in the peaks. It is the troughs where we find ourselves, surprise ourselves, become strong and proud of ourselves.

I listened to an episode On Grief and Finding Meaning on Brené Brown’s podcast, Unlocking Us:

https://brenebrown.com/podcast/david-kessler-and-brene-on-grief-and-finding-meaning/ which I felt humanised and normalised grief so well. It is worth a listen if you are going through your own stuff right now.

David Kessler talks about finding meaning as the final stage of grief. This is like coming up for air after holding your breath to your edge of comfort. And, to be clear, it is not finding meaning in the death, or the loss, but finding meaning in what you lost. He talks about losing his 21year old son, and the meaning he found was that he got to spend 21 years of his life with his son. It did not take away his broken heart, but it helped him find joy again.

Don’t be alone, or at least be on your own until you start feeling lonely and isolated, then don't be alone. Reach out.

I know I have said it before, but I am here. The healings I do are like magic for supporting you and helping you ease your way through difficult times. In a few months I will be offering Spiritual Counselling as another way to support you and your loved ones.

Sending love to all of you